Ever since the game of golf was invented, golfers have been insulting each other on the course in a light-hearted manner. A key to having a good time on the golf course is learning to not take the game so seriously. 

Making a joke of your playing partner’s shots can be just as fun as sinking a long birdie putt! These golf insults are guaranteed to be a hole in one (see what we did there?!)

1. The next time your buddy hits a frustrating “worm burner” off the tee, tell him…

“It’s okay, you had a bad lie.”

2. Freddy hit such a bad putt that he was still the furthest from the hole…

Instead of telling Freddy he was ‘still away’, Monty told him, “That’s a USGA putt, which stands for U Suck Go Again!”

3. Martha hit a terrible shot that only dribbled a few yards down the fairway. She asked her playing partner, Lisa, what she had done wrong.

Lisa replied, “From what I saw, you are standing too close to the ball after you hit it.”

4. Mark was frustrated after a terrible experience in the bunker…

Steve said, “Cheer up old buddy! Hitter got you on that hole. Two shots in the bunker!”

5. The next time your buddy plays badly on the front 9, tell him…

“Don’t worry 007, you’ll do better on the back 9!” When he inevitably asks why you called him 007, tell him, “you’ve hit 0 fairways, 0 greens in regulation, and lost 7 golf balls!”

6. Susie left a putt well short of the hole…

Terry replied, “It was a smart move to lay up there, especially with that lie.”

7. Jim hit a wicked slice off the tee. Scott told him…

“Don’t worry, there’s room over there. A living room, dining room, bedroom, bathroom, plenty of room!”

8. After Mike painfully missed his third two-foot putt of the day, Jack said…

“Maybe that’s just not your distance!”

9. The next time you outdrive your playing partner by quite a bit of distance, tell him…

“Click, Click, Click. My ball is taking aerial pictures of your ball as it flies over it.”

10. Corey was randomly paired up with Charlie for a round by the pro shop. Charlie beat Corey by ten strokes that day.

After the 18th hole, Corey shook Charlie’s hand and said, “I liked you better as a stranger.”

11. Courtney didn’t know how to politely tell her playing partner Jill that she was playing too slow.

Courtney finally said, “Please just hit the ball. My clothes are going out of style just waiting on you.”

12. The next time your buddy hits a bad shot and blames it on poor club selection, just tell him…

“It was the right club, just the wrong player.”

13. Javier left his birdie putt well short of the hole.

Anthony turned to him and said, “hard to get it near the hole with all that chicken sh** on your ball.”

14. The next time you hit one of those little annoying pop-up shots off the tee…

Tell your buddies that you used a new club called a “pitching wood.”

15. Ricky sliced his drive into the woods for the fifth time that afternoon.

Dan told him, “Don’t worry! I’m sure you have a tree iron in your bag as often as you’re in the woods.”

16. Sally smoked her drive down the center of the fairway and said, “I hit that one all the way to Hawaii.”

Ginger outdrove Sally with her tee shot and said, “I paid for the nonstop flight. You seem to have had a layover in Dallas.”

17. Ralph hit a towering 320-yard drive right down the center of the fairway.

David replied,” Don’t worry, shake it off, your next one will be better.”

18. The next time your buddy hits a really bad shot…

Look at him with a serious face and tell him, “I think you may have a loft problem.” When he looks confused say, “LOFT, lack of f***ing talent!”

19. Brad topped his 3-wood and it rolled only about 75 yards down the fairway…

Eddie said, “That’s a condom shot!” Brad looked confused so Eddie said, “it didn’t feel good but it’s safe.”

20. Sarah hit an awful duck hook that wound up in the wrong fairway…

Daisy said, “Well, at least you’re in the fairway for the next hole.”

21. After a particularly bad round, if someone asks you how you played, tell them…

“I didn’t putt the ball well…but I made up for it by not driving the ball well either.”

22. Shawn sliced his tee shot right into the water on a long par 4…

Curtis said, “that’s an AMF ball (Adios Mother F&*%er)”.

23. After your buddy has a particularly bad round, tell him…

“Maybe you’re left-handed.”

24. The next time you outdrive your playing partner by a good bit, tell them…

“You should really take the headcover off your driver next time.”

25. When you are paired with a stranger and he hits a couple of bad shots in a row, ask him…

“Obviously you don’t golf, so what do you do for a living?”

26. Johnny told Paul that he was a scratch golfer. Paul looked at him and said, “Really?”

Johnny said, “Yep, every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where it went.”

27. The next time your playing partner won’t tend the pin for you ask him, “Do you know how much the pin weighs?”

When he answers “NO”, tell him, “How could you? You haven’t picked up a pin the entire round!”

28. Randall left his putt about 10 feet short of the hole.

Mickey patted him on the shoulder and said, “Maybe you should try hitting it with your purse next time!”

29. When your buddy hits a terrible putt, tell him…

“Don’t sweat it! Other than distance and direction, that was a good putt!”

30. Lisa outdrove Bernice by several yards off the tee. As Lisa walked past Bernice’s ball, she said…

“I heard they were building a new shopping mall here in town.” Bernice looked confused and said, “Really?” Lisa said, “Yep, they are putting it between your ball and mine!”

31. If you have a friend that has a bad habit of not keeping his head down during his golf swing, ask him…

“Is there some pretty naked lady out there in the left side of the woods? Because that’s where you keep looking after every shot!”

32. Anytime a new golfer asks you how they can improve their game, tell them…

“Take 2 weeks off, then QUIT!”

33. If one of your playing partners is having a rough time putting, tell him…

“You seem to be putting worse every day. Today you are putting like it is already the middle of next month!”

34. Phil blasted his downhill putt 30 feet past the hole and completely off the green.

Ricky responded, “Take it easy on the steroids there Superman!”

35. The next time you swing and miss on the tee box, tell your buddy…

“That’s how you complete the perfect practice swing!”

Mike Noblin

Mike has been involved with sports for over 30 years. He’s been an avid golfer for more than 10 years and is obsessed with watching the Golf Channel and taking notes on a daily basis. He also holds a degree in Sports Psychology.

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Finding gifts for golf lovers who have everything is a challenge. However, equipment and apparel are not the only golf presents at your disposal. In this post, I shall introduce you to 35 funny golf gifts your friends will never fore-get.

The list includes a variety of practical and mean gifts that will give a laugh to at least one party. Whether you need a gift for a work colleague, a loved one, or your golf buddy, this list will have what you need.

1. My Sack Golf Ball Storage Bag

A trusty ball sack is a practical yet fun gift for all golfers. The sack includes two balls, surprise, surprise, but you can fit up to half a dozen. It clips to a golf bag to provide an additional space to store balls outside of your bag.

2. Go Sports Battle Putt

The aim of the game is to sink putts into the opposition’s holes. The losing team drinks and that is where the fun and laughter begins with the Go Sports Battle Putt. It is an ideal birthday or Christmas gift.

3. EZ Drinker Toilet Potter

The EZ Drinker potty putter is a great gift to keep your loved ones entertained while in the bogs. It includes a retractable putter, three balls, a mat, and a flagstick. Be careful because this game may require you to drag them away from the toilet.

4. Shanker Exploding Golf Balls

Shanker Exploding balls are an ideal birthday gift for your highly-strung friend. Gift them the box of balls on the first tee and sit back as they fall victim to an exploding golf ball and a cloud of white smoke.

5. Nice Shot Golf Glove

Help your loved ones stick it to their playing partners with this comfortable, premium Cabretta leather glove. Despite the material, the main feature is a “nice shot” inscribed on the back of the middle finger slot. Whenever their playing partners have something to say, your family member can give them the bird and kill them with kindness.

6. Putt Cup

Putt Cup is a fun new take on the office classic of putting into a coffee mug. One side of this mug is slanted to make it easier to sink more putts without needing to hit it in perfectly. These make perfect gifts for Christmas, Birthday or any other reason for the golf enthusiast. Your recipient won’t be disappointed!

7. “I Use This Towel To Wash My Balls” Towel

It’s total toilet humor, but it always catches a laugh. This microfiber waffle towel performs suitably at removing sand, dirt, and grass. Plus, it keeps one’s golf balls clean. However, its performance is overshadowed by the chucklesome phrase “ I use this towel to wash my balls.”

8. Loftus Heads Down Tees

The Loftus Heads Down tees are a suitable gift for your friends with dirty minds. The site of a tee through the hindquarters will give your friend a laugh every time they tee up the ball. It may even distract them and help you win the round.

9. RE Goods Golf Flask Set

This is a serious present that the recipient will get good use from. It does not fit into the golf gag gifts category as this is designed for a more serious individual. The hip flask includes a leather case, threads for tees, and a pitch marker.

10. Unofa Hide Your Beverage Sleeve

If your buddy enjoys a few cold ones on the course, they should appreciate the Unofa Hide Your Beverage Sleeve. It helps disguise alcoholic beverages from other players, not in the immediate circle of trust. These sleeves will make the rest of the field believe that you are sipping on coca-cola.

11. Intech Golf #2 Poop Putter

This tops my list of hilarious gifts for your golf buddies. Show them what you think of their putting ability by purchasing an Intech poop putter with a high moment of inertia for optimal forgiveness around the greens.

Plus, it includes a funny headcover that features the number two and the catchphrase “it’s time to go.” The embarrassment of receiving this club might push them to learn how to putt.

12. Snugen Floater Golf Range Balls

Snugen floater range balls rank among the best golf gifts you can get for a player who lives near water. The 12-pack of balls float and are easily retrievable on lakes and in the pool. Those without turf to practice on will appreciate a set of floating practice balls.

13. Gugelives Emergency Portable Urinal

Have some fun with your aging playing partners and present them with a portable urinal. Besides the hilarity of one of the best golf gifts you can find, it does come in handy. This gift saves a golfer from finding a quiet place to relieve themself.

With the Gugelives Emergency Urinal, simply turn away from the playing partners and get to business.

14. Bio Swiss Novelty Bandages

Bio Swiss Novelty bandages are designed for the true golf fanatic who does anything to show their love for the game. These long-lasting, breathable, and flexible golf ball bandages feature a non-stick pad to apply cream when required.

15. YGMONER 3D Golf Break Glass Sticker

This 3D sticker is highly realistic and is designed to be stuck on a car window or laptop screen. Prank others by sticking it onto their car window or laptop screen to make it look like a golf ball cracked the glass.

16. Kofull Bikini Woman Golf Tees

This is a suitable gift for the single guy in your crew. Give them a moment of joy when they step up to the tee and see a bikini figurine tee. They also get ten different tees in one pack. The plastic construction and low friction tip mean these tees last longer than your average tee.

17. Golfing Gizmos Pen Set

The Golfing Gizmos Pen Set falls into the bracket of unique gifts rather than comedic. However, this driver, putter, and iron pen set is a neat addition to an office desk. It is recommended as a gift for your golf-playing boss or favorite office colleague.

18. Shank It Golf Funny Towel

This waffle fabric golf towel gives struggling players the morale boost needed when out on the golf course. “May The Course Be With You” is printed in white on highly absorbent black fabric, ideal for cleaning your clubs and balls throughout your round.

19. Emoji Golf Balls

A dozen emoji golf balls should bring a smile to any player’s face. The range of feeling printed on each golf ball represents the emotional rollercoaster golfers endure every time they take to the golf course.

20. “I’d Rather Be Golfing” Socks

Lavley I’d Rather Be Golfing Socks are a quirky gift for your husband or boyfriend. Whenever they are forced to do tasks they despise, your other half can don their socks to remind themselves that they would rather be golfing.

21. “I Love You More Than Golf” Marker And Hat Clip

This is a funny golf gift for girlfriends and wives trying to send a message to their other halves. The I Love You More Than Golf doubles as a ball marker and a hat clip. Ladies, this may be the best way to get through to your partner.

Price: $12.99

Link to buy on Amazon

22. Horrible Balls Funny Golf Ball Marker Set

Equip your loved one with a set of poker chip golf ball markers with witty phrases. Six chips such as “keep calm you’re missing anyway” and “3 putt specialist.”

Price: $11.99

Link to buy on Amazon

23. “It’s All In The Hips” Hat Clip

If the gift recipient is a fan of Happy Gilmore, they will get a kick out of this hat click and magnetic ball marker. It features the classic image of Chubbs Peterson teaching Happy Gilmore about hip rotation. One cannot help but crack up when seeing this image.

Price: $13.95

Link to buy on Amazon

24. Birdie Juice Hip Flask

The stainless steel Birdie Juice hip flask is a funny gift idea for the golfer who enjoys hard tac and keeps it concealed in their hip-flask. Also, when other players ask why they are playing so well, they needn’t speak. Just point to the Birdie Juice label.

Price: $14.95

Link to buy on Amazon

25. Fairly Odd Novelties Golf Drinking Game

This entertaining golf drinking game can be played on any countertop. Be it at the office or at home. Line up your putt on the mini-course and play better than your opponent to avoid excessive boozing.

Price: $22.99

Link to buy on Amazon

26. Fore! On-Course Drinking Game

This game dictates how you hydrate on the golf course. It is an on-course drinking game, where cards determine who drinks. Landing in the bunker or near a tree can help a player rapidly quench their thirst.

Price: $19.99

Link to buy on Amazon

27. Funny Golf Shirts Hole-In-One Gag

Give your loved one their moment of glory with this hole-in-one gag shirt. “I Made A Hole-in-One is printed in large font and visible from afar. Upon closer inspection, the shirt reads, “I made a bogey on every hole and threw my putter in one of the ponds.”

Golf is a frustrating game. Every player understands that and can likely chuckle about it.

Price: $19.99

Link to buy on Amazon

28. Golf Instructions Coffee Mug

Fewer games are as frustrating as golf. But this instructional coffee mug simplifies the process. Swing, swear, blame noise, blame grass, look for the ball, and repeat. That is something everyone can comprehend.

Price: $13.99

Link to buy on Amazon

29. 10L0L Golf Bag Pen Holder

The 10L0L is the ideal gift for your golf mad work colleague. The holder is shaped like a golf bag on a pushcart and includes three pens shaped like a club.

Price: $19.99

Link to buy on Amazon

30. Shank It Golf Legalize Mulligans Cap

Every golfer can get on board with the legalization of mulligans. Your loved ones will earn course credit when they walk onto the first tee with this Legalize Mulligans cap.

Price: $19.99

Link to buy on Amazon

31. Ben Shot Golf Ball Pint Glass

The golf ball pint glass is an ideal companion for the player who enjoys a few cold beverages after their round. This 16-ounce glass features a golf ball sticking out the side and is made in the United States.

Price: $25.99

Link to buy on Amazon

32. Wolf Golf Towels Best Grandpa By Par

Whether it is for Christmas, fathers day, or a birthday, gramps will appreciate this towel. The microfiber waffle material is absorbent and easily removes dirt and turf. Plus, it reads “Best Grandpa By Far.”

Price: $19.95

Link to buy on Amazon

33. Funny Trump Golf Coffee Mug

Love him or hate him, every golfer can appreciate the mental confidence boost this mug provides. Your golfer friend or family member will love waking every morning to being told they are the best golfer.

Price: $14.99

Link to buy on Amazon

34. Horrible Balls World Okayest Golfer Pack

If your friend’s shocking golf skills cost you in a tournament, it is time to let them know how you feel about their game with the Horrible Balls set. It includes golf balls, tees, and a ball marker, which hurl abuse at your friend.

Price: $12.99

Link to buy on Amazon

35. Ann Arbor T-Shirt Co My Golf Retirement Plan

Do you have a work colleague who is about to retire? Get them this t-shirt that features the words “My Golf Retirement Plan” and a golf ball on a tee. Instead of explaining to everyone what they plan to do post-retirement, they can save their breath and point to the shirt.

Price: $19.95

Link to buy on Amazon

36. Stinky Hand Sanitizer

The Stinky Hand Sanitizer is not necessarily a gift for someone else in the traditional sense. When one of your golf buddies leaves their sanitizer at home, pull out this gel, and enjoy the sight of your smelling like a rancid posterior.

Matt Stevens

Matt Callcott-Stevens started playing golf at the age of 4 when Rory Sabattini’s father put a 7-iron and putter in his hand. He has experienced all the highs and lows the game can throw at you and has now settled down as a professional golf writer. He holds a Postgraduate in Sports Marketing and has played golf for 28 years.

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Every golf cart owner needs a good name for their new toy.

If you haven’t given your golf cart a name yet, here are 75 possible names for you to choose from.

1. Taz 

We had to put this one on this list. It’s the nickname for the ever-so-lovable cartoon character, The Tasmanian Devil. All golfers are prone to frustration outbursts just like Taz.

2. Boozer Cruiser

For your buddy that seems to always have one too many beers while on the golf course, this would be the perfect nickname for their golf cart.

3. Tank

This nickname is funny but it also commands respect.

4. Thunder

A good choice for your golf cart if you are known as a golfer that is long off the tee.

5. Lightning

A catchy name that is great for any type of automobile, even a golf cart.

6. Rocket

Another snazzy golf cart nickname that could refer to the speed of the cart itself or to those low line-drive type of shots that cut perfectly through the wind.

7. Seve

A cool nickname that is also a nod to one of the most charismatic golfers of all time, Seve Ballesteros. Born in Spain, Ballesteros racked up 90 professional wins as well as 5 major championships.

8. Bam Bam

A great golf cart nickname for golfers who smack the ball a long way or who are big fans of the Flintstones cartoon.

9. Sunday Driver

This one is perfect for that person who always seems to drive the golf cart too slowly.

10. Miss Daisy

A cute nickname and a great movie as well, “Driving Miss Daisy”.

11. Merlot

Are you a wine lover? If so, why not name your golf cart after your favorite wine?

12. Bunkermobile

Let’s face it! All golfers spend more time in the bunker than they’d care to admit.

13. Slicer

Since most amateur golfers fight a big banana slice off the tee, this nickname is both funny and applicable for many.

14. Cobra

This is a popular golf manufacturer but also a slick nickname for a golf cart.

15. Hot Rod

Here’s an oldie but a goodie. You can’t go wrong with Hot Rod.

16. Homer

This name is a great option for hardcore fans of the iconic cartoon The Simpsons.

17. Birdie

Not much thought went into this one. However, since there’s no such thing as a bad birdie, we figured it can work as a golf cart nickname as well.

18. Midnight Rider

Want a name for your golf cart that is both interesting and mysterious? This would be a good one!

19. Ace

This is one of our favorites! A hole-in-one is often referred to as an ace in golf.

20. Hurricane

Are you exciting but dangerous behind the wheel? Hurricane might be the perfect name for your cart.

21. Dolly

A pretty little nickname whether you’re a spunky lady or a man who is a fan of the great Dolly Parton.

22. Batmobile

If you always dreamed of driving the Batmobile as a kid, this name is a natural choice.

23. Superman

We can’t mention Batman without mentioning the other popular superhero!

24. Sandy

Another good name choice if you find yourself spending way too much time in the bunkers!

25. Flash

Is your golf cart faster than most? Flash is a great name choice.

26. Samurai

A sleek, yet a powerful name for your golf cart.

27. Angry Birdie

A funny name for your golf cart that plays off the hit game Angry Birds.

28. Bronco

Does your driver hit the ball a long way but get kind of wild from time to time? Bronco just might be the perfect name for your golf cart!

29. Tornado

Do you drive your cart so aggressively that you leave a whirlwind behind you? Go with Tornado as your name choice!

30. Dark Knight

Another cool nickname that is also a nod to Batman.

31. Crash

This is a cool name for your cart, just try not to crash on the course!

32. Offroader

If you think the “Cart Path Only” signs are just a suggestion, this name is a great idea.

33. Tsunami

This name is similar to a hurricane but with its own twist.

34. T-Rex

For golfers that scare folks off the tee and with their driving.

35. Hulkster

Perfect for Hulk Hogan and Lou Ferrigno fans.

36. Iron Horse

A name that’s classy but still powerful.

37. Speedy Gonzalez

For folks who drive so fast that they scare the beverage cart workers.

38. Rev

For those that wish they could rev their golf cart engine.

39. Bullet

For folks that drive fast and possibly deadly.

40. Bomber

A great choice for folks who are long off the tee.

41. Basher

Do you bash five-foot putts by the hole? This might be the ideal name for your cart.

42. Mighty Mouse

Perfect for the golfer that is both slight in stature but also strong.

43. Old Bessie

A good name for your cart if it’s getting on up there in years.

44. Stealth

Is your golf cart fast but quiet? The name Stealth may be a good fit.

45. Eagle

We all want more eagles on the golf course! Naming your golf cart Eagle just sounds like a good idea.

46. Albatross

Here’s a catchy name for your cart. Albatross is another name for double eagle on the course.

47. The Love Bug

Do you like to play golf with your significant other? This could be an appropriate name for your golf cart.

48. Cowboy

Are you wild off the tee and while driving your golf cart? Do you also try to get home in two shots, even on the longest of par 5 holes? Cowboy may be a good name for both your golf cart and maybe even yourself.

49. Cheetah

For the golfer who is quiet but always ready to pounce.

50. Roadie

Nothing fancy about this cart name but it’s still a good one.

51. Tigger

This name is great for folks that have Tigger from Winnie the Pooh’s personality. If you’re super energetic and constantly bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm, we recommend calling your golf cart Tigger!

52. Pooh Bear

Perfect for those odd golfers who always remain calm and sweet, no matter how poorly they may be playing.

53. Angel

There are no angels on the golf course, but that doesn’t mean you can’t call your cart one.

54. Black Betty

This was a fantastic song back in the day. It’s also a great name for your golf cart if it happens to be black.

55. Boom Boom

A catchy name that also happens to be Fred Couples’ nickname.

56. Cherry Bomb

Here’s a fun little name if your golf cart just happens to be red.

57. Delorean

Here’s the ideal golf cart name for all avid Back to the Future fans. Just watch out for Biff Tannin on the course

58. Foxy

A cute cart name that has a sexy connotation.

59. Greenie

This one is a logical choice for folks who drive green golf carts.

60. Ice

Are you calm under pressure on the course? Ice may be an applicable nickname for your golf cart.

61. Lucille

A pretty cart name that would work nicely for fans of Lucille Ball.

62. Mercy

We all need mercy on the golf course, especially after missing a two-foot putt and yelling a few curse words.

63. Popeye

Does your golf cart have a cool-sounding horn? Why not name your cart Popeye? After all, the song says “I’m Popeye the Sailorman, toot toot!”

64. Pearl

Does your cart shine like a pearl? Might as well call it that.

65. Phantom

Perfect cart name for a golfer that is deep and mysterious.

66. Speed Racer

For the golfer that always seems to be in a hurry.

67. Sassie

Probably a good name for a golf cart with lots of attitude.

68. Smoke

Do you drive your cart so fast that your constantly screeching tires? Smoke may be the perfect fit if you’re fast and mysterious.

69. Tinkerbell

For golf carts that are cute and tiny-looking.

70. Uber

For the golfers who are always giving other players a ride.

71. Wainwright

Oddly enough, the meaning of the word is for a person that can fix carts.

72. Wheelie

For golfers crazy enough to try to pop a “wheelie” in their golf cart.

73. Zoom-Zoom

For the annoying golfer in your group that is always zooming past everyone else.

74. Princess

A pretty cart name, especially if it’s pink or purple.

75. Bogey Buggy

Although a bogey is not a desired result on the golf course, we still think this is a hilarious name for your golf cart.

Mike Noblin

Mike has been involved with sports for over 30 years. He’s been an avid golfer for more than 10 years and is obsessed with watching the Golf Channel and taking notes on a daily basis. He also holds a degree in Sports Psychology.

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Golf often gets a bad wrap sheet for stuck-up individuals who do not welcome outsiders to their private establishments. Despite that stereotype, there is a lighter side to the game.

In this post, I take you through 30 funny golf terms and sayings every golfer should know.

I have compiled a list of classic terms that golfers globally can relate to. Plus, I included some that I learned growing up in South Africa. These terms refer to the conditions of courses, shot shapes, and scores.

1. Goat Track

When you grow up in a rural area as I did, you become used to poorly-maintained layouts and cheesy livestock references. A goat track was the term of choice in my neck of the woods for shoddy golf courses. You struggle to distinguish the fairway from the rough, and the greens are actually brown.

A goat track in my town meant the same as the phrase dog track that you employ in the United States.

2. Robbed

I am well versed in this term. Being robbed on a golf course happens when your ball lips out of the cup. Then it stops on the edge of the cup or just rolls by. On a good day, that would drop, but when the Golfing Gods are against you, you cannot win.

3. James Joyce

James Joyce was an Irish novelist praised for his intellect and wit. However, his work is lost on many readers who find it difficult to understand and follow. The golf term references putting lines that are near impossible to judge. This is especially true on links courses where undulation attacks at every turn.

4. The Cat Box

A cat box in golf references a sand trap. While you fill your feline’s toilet with absorbable clay, bunkers generally contain Silica sand. Either way, you do not want to drop your cat’s litter or a sand bunker.

5. Dew Sweepers

When possible, I prefer to grab the earliest tee time of the day. The course is quiet, and you do not have anyone in front of you, enabling you to set the pace of play. Getting up this early makes me part of the elite global senior’s club called the dew sweepers. Jokes aside, a dawn patrol round is an ideal way to start your day.

6. The 19th Hole

Although your scorecard only caters to 18-holes, it is the 19th which is most important in my eyes. This is the bar. A social environment to reminisce about the round and forge lifelong friendships. No matter how well or bad you played, the 19th hole makes you remember what matters in life.

7. Fresh Air Shot

None of us wish to admit it, but we have all had a freshy at some point in our golfing careers. A fresh air shot happens when you swing and miss the ball completely. Despite not touching the ball, your intention to strike it counts as a stroke. This is unfortunate for the victim but forever hilarious to their playing partners.

8. Banana Ball

Think about the shape of a banana. It curves slightly, the same direction your golf ball does when you catch it with an open or closed clubface. A banana ball describes a sliced shot, where your ball curves from left to right if you are right-handed. Yet another term you do not want to hear.

9. Rainmaker

If you generate excess backspin rpm off the clubface, your ball balloons into the heavens before falling rapidly back to earth. The term rainmaker suggests that your ball flew so high that it descends rapidly from the sky like a rainstorm.

10. Texas Wedge

My putter is my favorite club in my golf bag. So much so that I use it off the green whenever I can. I am not alone in this philosophy, and there is a slang term to describe this heathenism. It is called a Texas wedge.

Ben Hogan is said to have coined the phrase based on his experience in the lone star state. The small dome greens, high winds, and tight lies made it safer to putt than pitch your ball.

A recent example of spectacular Texas Wedge play came from Cam Smith at the 2022 Open Championship. He putted the ball from off the green, around a bunker, setting himself up for a testing par attempt:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqgPmJk5vCQ

11. Four-Jack

Four-Jack, like Three-jack, refers to the number of putts you had on a hole. Four-Jack specifically represents a 4-putt, which is painful and humiliating. Especially if you hit a par 5 green in 2 and a 4-putt for a bogey.

12. Snowman

A snowman is a score you never want on your scorecard. An 8 represents a snowman, based on the shape of the number. If you make an 8 on a par 3, you record a quintuple bogey, while the same score on a par 4 is a quadruple bogey. Finally, an 8 on a par 5 is a triple bogey.

13. Fried Egg

Landing in the bunker is demoralizing, but as bad as you think it is, there is always the chance of it being worse. A fried egg is one way to rain on your parade.

This means that most of your golf ball is lodged into the sand, and only the top part sticks out. It resembles a fried egg, with the yolk towering over the egg whites below. A fried egg is difficult to control for amateurs and professionals, leading to erratic results.

14. The Dance Floor

A funny synonym for the green is the dance floor. This is where all the action happens, and you must bring your A-game. If your putting stroke is off, you miss opportunities, lose strokes and go home feeling sorry for yourself. Much like a night out with the lads.

15. Mickey Mouse Course

A Mickey Mouse course takes a goat track to a new level. These layouts have short holes compared to other golf courses and suffer from poor maintenance. You needn’t be a long hitter to knock your ball onto the green. However, good luck trying to read the putts on the cabbage patch greens.

16. Victory Lap

When your ball does a victory lap, it is nerve-racking for every golfer. Your ball makes it to the cup and decides to inspect the layout of the land. It circumnavigates the hole before dropping in. Rolling around the cup counts as the victory lap before the ball sinks into the hole to secure a lower score.

17. The Drink

There is nothing intelligent about this term, only logic. The drink refers to the nearest water hazard in play. When the drink is in play, you can play safe and lay up or go for glory, bearing in mind a high risk.

18. Oscar Bravo

I like the name Oscar Bravo, it has a ring to it. This slang term takes the code words from the phonetic alphabet for O and B. O represents out of, while B stands for bounds. Therefore, you say Oscar Bravo when you are your playing partner sacrifices their ball out of play.

19. An Ostrich

As an African, I had to throw in one term that was thrown around my club. An ostrich is the grandest known living bird, but it cannot fly. However, it gathers some impressive speed, sprinting up to 43 mph.

On the links, we called an ostrich a shot that struggled to get off the ground but ran an impressive distance.

20. Yips

Yips are a psycho-neuromuscular impediment that hampers your muscle memory and ability to swing the club and strike the ball. I remember watching Sergio Garcia at the Nedbank Million Dollar when he got the yips. He literally couldn’t strike a golf ball. A few years later, I experienced the same. I could not stroke anything within 5 feet cleanly.

21. Scrambling

Scrambled eggs generally contain a mix of ingredients that form a delicious creamy texture to be enjoyed on toast or as is. Scrambling references a mixed bag of shots, yet you still manage to make a par.

For example, you hit your drive into the woods, then your second into the bunker. Next, you send your third shot 15 feet past the hole and drain the putt. Therefore, you were all over the place and still managed a par.

22. Breakfast Ball

An unwritten rule among buddies. When you tee off first thing in the morning, casual golfers enable a breakfast ball. This credits you with a mulligan should your first shot finish in an undesirable lie.

23. Ace

Ace is derived from the Latin term ‘asa.’ Asa was the smallest coin denomination in Ancient Rome. Therefore it is featured at the top of the list of denominations. The English later adopted the term to mean the ‘first one’ or the ‘best one at something.’

Therefore, when you card a hole-in-one the term Ace is fitting, as it describes you being the best one at that hole. Hole-in-ones are most common on par 3’s, where the achievement is also called an eagle. In addition, I have played with two players who carded aces on a par 4. That is also known as a double eagle or albatross.

24. Foot Wedge

I am not condoning this behavior but instead telling it how it is. A foot wedge is not a golf club. The term describes a golfer who kicks the ball into a favorable position. This is cheating and should not happen on a golf course.

25. Chicken Stick

A chicken stick is the most trustworthy golf club in your bag. No matter the lie, you can rely on this club to get you out of trouble and back into play.

26. Hosel Rocket

Another term you never want to hear coming your way is ‘hosel rocket.’ This is a classic shank where your hosel connects the ball and sends it rocketing directly right if you are right-handed. After a freshy, this is the most embarrassing result for a golfer.

27. Duck Hook

A duck hook is an unpleasant sight if you are the one who struck the ball. However, your playing partners find it hilarious. Your ball leaves the clubface and hooks violently to the left for right-handers.

Golf Monthly alleges that the animal reference in the name has less to do with the fuzzy creature and more to do with the action. When your ball hooks ferociously, it ducks into the rough or woods, leaving you with limited options for your second shot.

This definition of duck refers to taking cover or evading duty or responsibility. Therefore, your ball ducks behind trees, evading the fairway.

28. Platypus

The opposite of a duck hook is a platypus. The rarity of sighting a platypus makes it an apt comparison for hitting your ball out of bounds and still making par. It is uncommon and deserves a unique name.

Over in my neck of the woods, we would use fitting names for the area, such as a white rhino.

29. Swing Oil

Every time I hear this saying, it reminds me of Bender from Futurama. He needs hard liquor to keep him oiled and operational. On the golf course, swing oil generally means a beer. However, if hard tac or wine enhances your performance, keep doing what works for you.

30. Toothed It

If someone says they toothed their shot, they hit the ball off the bottom of the clubface. This means the ball produces less spin, flies low, and does not sit down rapidly. Plus, it sends vibrations up the shaft and shocks your hands.

Related Reading: Speaking of golf terms, we have more where that came from. Find yourself the perfect golf companion with our 50 pick-up lines to help you score.

Matt Stevens

Matt Callcott-Stevens started playing golf at the age of 4 when Rory Sabattini’s father put a 7-iron and putter in his hand. He has experienced all the highs and lows the game can throw at you and has now settled down as a professional golf writer. He holds a Postgraduate in Sports Marketing and has played golf for 28 years.

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